Meh

I have some decisions to make, and I've been contemplating them for some time now. What makes it difficult is that I'll miss much of it (including some of the people) if I let it go - but does the good outweigh the bad? (or vice versa)...

In the meantime, I've kind of lost my heart for blogging, and while I'm reading many of your blogs, and my thoughts are with some of you as I read your posts, it is very rarely that I even bring myself to comment - even when I really want to send thoughts your way, I feel too blah to actually do it.

Maybe I just need to do something crazy. Maybe I need to stop taking some things so seriously, and shrug off the stuff that bothers me, because really, it's not my stuff to get bothered about.

I don't know. If you've recently posted something comment worthy and I didn't comment, it's not that I don't care or haven't thought of you. I just feel so blah. But it is what it is. We'll see where things go from here.

Happy Anniversary

One year ago was a very special time for Ghilt and I.
Significant enough to acknowledge that this is our real anniversary.

Happy anniversary love. Looking forward to celebrating even more this weekend :)

My very first 'nice blog' IM!

Ok, so it doesn't really count, as it came from an old friend of mine, but it was still fun to get an IM this evening from someone who found my blog and wanted to let me know he enjoyed it! *waves to F*

It was a total surprise, as I don't advertise my blog, and I hardly write compelling stories for one to stumble across me with a google search. I don't have trackers on the blog as I don't expect to have any traffic to track. At best I expect a few people who see the updates on some of the Ch'know girls' blog rolls might peek in.

So it was very nice to hear from him, and very nice to hear he actually likes the blog and my writing. I still hold that I'm not much of a blogger, and I do ramble more than anything, but it was nice boost to hear a compliment about it.

So, thank you my friend. And I do mean what I said about keeping in better touch!

the rest of Alicia's questions answered

Alicia asked more questions than what I posted about in my last post, so to be fair, I should answer those too...

If you are in a relationship in SL, where did you meet?

See my last post LOL.

Do you think if you'd met the same person in a different location in SL that you'd have gotten together?

Honestly, I'd have to say probably not. I was very resistant to the idea of an SL relationship, so I would not have been open to the thought had I just ran into him in a shop, nor something or spent as much time chatting with him and getting to know him if I was busy with other activities.

If you're a woman, do you regularly get hit on when you're in world?

I do get approached a decent amount. My profile is kinda flirty as I never changed it from my dancer days. I do plan to change it soon, and we'll see what happens then.

If you're a man, what makes you decide to talk to a woman?

N/A lol

If you find out that the person you're talking to has skills that you may not, does it intimdate you?

Heck no. I love that Ghilt has been been able to do the handyman thing for me lol. And I admire the skills people have, but that doesn't make them more godly to me. The only way it might affect me is I may be hesitant to speak to someone as I feel they probably have 112 other people on IM and I'd just be bothering someone busy with their own stuff going on. Actually this applies to anyone (it's that shyness thing I guess), but even more so with the "famous" people.

Do you think being bloggers has affected your relationships? If you are with a blogger, does it change how you are with them?

If anything, my blogging has been a positive on my relationship. I think I've moved Ghilt a couple of times with my postings about him, and he sees it as an extension of my feelings for him. It is not why I blog, and I try not to make my blog all about my relationship - it's just difficult to do when I see him every day and spend most of my SL time with him lol.

As far as other people who read my blog are concerned, I think people may be getting to know a bit more about who I am - although that may not necessarily be a positive!

The totally incorrect way to meet a man, that worked for me anyway (or, OMG, you were a DANCER!)

Alicia's recent post asked those of us in relationships, "where did you meet?".

This is something I've been meaning to post about, so I figure this is as good an opportunity as any.

As my SL profile has not been updated in many, many months, some of you who have viewed it may have come to the brilliant conclusion that I was, once, a *gasp* dancer. Yes, I danced on a pole, wore sexy outfits, and took off pieces of clothing when I received enough "pennies".

I can see you all wrinkling your nose at me now. I understand how "strippers" are viewed in certain circles.

And guess what? I met my love, as a dancer, in the club where I worked, when he wandered in as a relative newbie yet!

I seem to have had a different experience than many dancer/strippers I hear about. Maybe it was the way I spoke to the people who came to see me, that I attracted *quality* people around me. I frustrated the girls who worked alongside me when I developed a large following of 'regulars'. Especially when they were doing their darnest to drag those people into the chairs in front of them, and the sexy talk wasn't doing it for them. But I spent a lot of time on that stage, in that quiet club (yes, it wasn't doing so well when there were no dancers and no customers in half the time). And I spoke to *everyone* that came in, in a friendly, non-sleazy way. Even if they were brand new. Even if they had no 'payment info', or hot skin or the latest prim hair or shoes.

I have had two "relationships" in SL. One I cared about well enough, and one I care about to the extreme. Both of these I met in the club while I was dancing. Both have been perfect gentlemen. And there are a number of others I could have coupled with had I not been so adverse or resistant to the idea, who were *nice* guys too!

Ghilt is one of the most respectful, loving, considerate men I have *ever* met. I resisted forever, because I was NOT looking for a relationship. In fact, we had that conversation a few times while he courted me LOL. I had customers who I'm sure liked the idea that I was single, and I enjoyed being free to explore SL on my own terms, without being "tied down". Ghilt stuck around and was my friend anyway, happy to be with me, even with all the protective walls I put up around myself. And he won over my heart, and slowly broke down those walls. And now I cannot imagine my life without him in it.

He is a wonderful, respectful gentleman, and as such, I have to think I'm not so bad myself, or he would never, ever have put up with me (and continue to put up with me!).

So.. this answers Ali's question. And lets me talk a bit about how not all curvy avatars with iced blonde 'big' hair, who happen to dance (or once danced) are trashy women with no morals or self-esteem. Thankyouverymuch.

Perhaps it is more about who you talk to, how you talk to them, and the airs we put out. My friendships and relationships I formed as a dancer came out of us spending so much time just talking, while my avatar spun around that pole and they sat in the chair in front of me. When you just *talk*, without trying to hook up, and you just get to know someone, that's when the best relationships form.

Quiet time

The past week and half I've been in a very quiet SL mood. I'm stressing over something that should be fun IRL (well it will be once I get it all figured out), and it's taxing my energy. I had a four day weekend for Canada Day, plus my regular weekend that just ended, and I don't feel very rested or relaxed at all.

I guess that's why I've been pretty quiet and unsettled in SL, and why my blog has been quiet as well. I haven't even been posting comments lately.

Ghilt has been wonderfully patient with me throughout - he always gives me strength and I'm very blessed to be able to lean on him. We spent the evening of the 4th discussing my stressor, and testing out outdoor beach furniture. My beach is pretty barren, so I'm always on the lookout for something to inspire me. We really liked this campfire and this pose on it. The pose just fit my mood perfectly (although the rest of the poses around the fire didn't fit what I was hoping for, so I'll continue to shop around).



Anyway... I will be back, posting and commenting more regularly, and doing more 'things' in SL again once things settle a bit. In the meantime I will pop up from time to time in a comment or a post, or even butting in on the Ch'know group chats that come out of nowhere the second I log on. It's fun seeing you all having fun, and I'm looking forward to joining you sometime when I can.

For now though, I'm sitting back and living a bit lower key until I get past some of my RL stress and stuff - things that shouldn't carry over into SL anyway!

Stilettos at age.. 2 hours

Just thought I'd throw this up here as I mentioned it at the Hump Day party on Wednesday.

Little girls are growing up so fast these days.. but this made me go wth?

I don't have kids - but if I were to have any, I doubt I'd be dreaming of cramming those tiny toes into such things as I was dealing with contractions.

Happy Independence Day

Happy Independence Day to all my American friends!
Oh, and here's the obligatory silly costume shot for the day.



Have a happy and safe 4th everyone!
(you still have almost five hours by *my* clock LOL)

(and yeah, I suck as a Canadian cause I didn't do a Canada Day post!)

just for us

Sorry this won't mean anything to anyone else, and I don't want to be mushy in front of everyone. You can move on now lol.

But... it is my blog dammit. And I have to say... I have the most wonderful man in the world.


My love, Ghilt Runo.

You continue to amaze me love. Thank you... so very, very much. For everything.

Still biting my lip and blinking back that tear, shaking my head, smiling...