Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Where has Nikki been?

So, if I'm going to have a blog, I suppose I should use it. I always thought it would be great to be able to look back over my posts and see what I was up to at a certain point in time... to see how Nikki has grown and changed, and how she's weathered a few storms as well.

Well, Dear Blog (this is this century's version of Dear Diary I suppose), RL has still been kicking my ass. And it's time I dumped it all on you, cause well heck, you have no choice but to listen, and one day I will look back upon you and see just how far I have come from the bottom of the pit *hopeful smiles*.

Some plurkers and Second Lifer's have noticed that I am around a lot more than usual, on earlier in the day than I used to be. This, my friend, is because I (not Nikki, but the RL girl behind Nikki), broke. Yes, RL finally kicked me hard enough that I just could not get up anymore. A combination of things. Disagreements with RLBF, and living with his moodswings, huffiness, and worries about the future and finances. An aunt diagnosed with breast cancer, waiting through tests, and today "finally" (well it will be yesterday when (and if) this gets posted), she took her first dose of chemotherapy. And a HUGE change at work (which had me extremely stressed *before* the change was announced even) was the straw that broke the camel's back, rendering me unable to work for the past three weeks.

Dear Blog... yes, I suffer from depression. It's something I try to hide, but it is there. Remember when I said, long ago, that just because I was once a dancer in SL, it didn't mean I was damaged? Well... that was only partially true. I still believe that I wasn't a dancer *because* I was damaged. However, the fact remains that I *am* damaged. And I'm tired of trying to pretend I'm not. I probably wasn't fooling anyone anyway. Please tell my friends that I'm sorry I'm not always there to reach out to them the way I wish I could. It's not that I don't care about the difficulties they are going through. I'm just a jumbled mess right now and don't always do the right thing. You know, socially awkward, the way I've been most my life. But, I am a good listener and I am always there for a talk or a hug if they need one. Tell them that for me, ok?

So, Dear Blog, if you've been wondering where I've been, well I apologize. I just haven't been able to take care of all of us. I still love you, just, be patient with me, k?

Thanks for listening, Blog.


Well, I thought long and hard about it, and have decided that yes, I will publish this. I'm not looking for sympathy as much as understanding I suppose. Hugs to you all. I think most of us can use more than we're getting.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Memes (why not...)

I think this one originated with Dyami...

Breakfast Food: way too many, yet I rarely eat it. french toast, poached eggs, eggs bennie when I'm out and REALLY indulging! Take me to IHOP and trade me 1/2 a bennie for some of those harvest grain pancakes, and I'm a happy girl! (if you don't have an IHOP.. well, sorry lol)
Pizza: Hawaiian. or something with shrimp, feta and sundried tomatoes.
Ice Cream: hmm - B&J made some kind of caramel cone explosion flavour.. OMG!
Caffeinated Beverage: double shot latte - skim milk and splenda or vanilla syrup please! In summer, ice it.
Vegetable: Asparagus, Brocolli, Gai Lan
Fruit: Cherries, Peaches, Mango
Dessert: yes to cheesecake!!!
Fast Food Chain: hmmm... Wendy's
Store-bought Beer (or soda if you don’t drink beer): beer - Stella; soda - diet coke for sure (I drink it pretty much daily and prefer it to regular cola)
Type of Cuisine: Japanese or Seafood.. though I also like Italian and mild Thai food

I'm with Alicia.. I like way too many different foods!

I'm also with Alicia in that I'm taking the 5th on the sexy name meme!

So.. how about personality:

Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)

Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men

You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

Failing all over the place

Ok - I fail so much, I'm late to note that I FAILED Alicia's mini-blogger challenge.

Some of you know why I've been going through a rough time lately. I had such fun at the hump day party Wednesday, with full intentions of being late with Wednesday's challenge and posting it on Thursday.

Then.. things happened. And my SL got turned a bit upside down.

Now I find myself seeking a new home, trying to decide between several options, all with many positives and negatives to them.

Figuring out where our relationship is at. We are definately still friends, and definately still care deeply for each other. But, it has to be this way - as much as neither of us likes it.

There have been many tears, many reflections, many questions, and many moments where all I want is distractions or someone to message me or offer a hug. Fortunately, I have received a few.

I still hope to do the rest of the challenges in the weeks to come. But for now, I fail. I'm very sorry to Ali, cause she's been great to try to get us posting again. But... unfortunately, Nikki just doesn't have it in her right now. Nor does the girl typing for her.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My Sanctuary (Alica's Mini-Challenge)

Ok, I'm "forced" back into the blogosphere by Alicia (thanks Alicia!), who asks:

** Second Life is a huge place, but we all have our favorite place where we seem to visit often just to look it, to hang out, to take friends, or just be alone and think. Where is your place, how did you find it, and what keeps you going back? Go there and take a picture! And no, it cannot be your own home!**

and then edited it to include: ** Ok ok, it can be your home. LOL **


It's funny. I've been in SL for 18 months now (damn I'm old!), and I've been many fun, beautiful, wonderful places. Yet.. I don't have a specific "place" I go to. Except for...

My home.

Ali at first excluded our home from being allowed. That would have put me right out of the challenge. Sure, I could find a place I enjoy and blog about it, but that's not really, truly the idea behind the challenge (unless the idea was to blog ideas for other people to visit - which I am looking forward to seeing from some of the bloggers out there).

But I'm taking the topic to heart. I have found the place I go to in order to be alone and think. It just happens to be my home. It's my sanctuary, and I love it. Every night I log off sitting in my favorite pose in front of my fireplace on the lovely couch Sai gifted the Ch'know group with. And every time I log in, the first thing I do is jump back into that sit while I open dozens of group notices and announcements, answer IM's and group chat, and figure out what I want to do, where I want to go, and what I'm going to wear.

Piccy as requested :P (yeah, I only get half a point for this one. It's an older picture, but I like it better than anything I took tonight. Eh, I had a lot going on tonight, sue me!)

My property consists of two 'plots' over open water, which I have turned into 'islands' (well.. Ghilt did them for me, but you get the picture lol). I have a beautiful house, grass, forest, river, ocean, and beach. It looks over a number of open water sims for swimming and sailing. And, it has security/privacy. The thing about my sanctuary is... it is just that. Sure, people can cam over, but they can't set foot on my land unless I grant them access to it. Yes, I'm one of THOSE people, with the access/ban lines up. I will excuse myself by saying that I am in the corner of a sim on the tip of my continent. My lines don't interfere with people's travel, and there is no reason for them to be on my property. I have had people land on my roof, or even walk into my home in both previous places I lived, while I was there even, sometimes half dressed as I tried on different outfits. Nope.. not this time. My sanctuary only allows those I want to come into my space. Yes, I'd love to have people over, I get to choose when and who. But during those other times, the place is mine to go to sit in peace and quiet while I think about things, sort things, IM in peace, or head afk at times.

Hmmm... I might not have answered the challenge question spot on. But, hell, I'm talking, and it does answer the main question. To be honest, had two other ideas for this post, but one is my own secret, and the other - well it's more of an extension of my place, so, really, it's still part of my home.

So.. my sanctuary is... my home. Lame, but true.

Oh, and did I mention how beautiful the sunrise is from horseback?

Monday, August 18, 2008

I blame Meara

I've heard a lot about Plurk and thought it sounded perfect, though hopefully not too time consuming. I figured I would check it out "sometime", then Meara posted her link.. and now... I appear to be signed up too.

my plurk page

[EDIT: I guess I did the link wrong. My plurk name is nikkidancer.]

Thanks Meara.. I think. lol

Oh, and I'm a total dork about asking to be added to friends lists.. so please - feel free to add me - the more the merrier :)